Ang Lihim ng Kold Fyusiyon

Notice of Closure (Again!!!)

2008-10-12T18:32:00.003+08:00

I thought I'll never visit this site again?

Anyway, please go here instead: http://deadpoet-poetan.blogspot.com/

or at: http://anglihimngcoldfusion.multiply.com/journal/

Silly questions and missing Dell Tech Support

2008-06-27T08:16:00.000+08:00

As i was heading to Tektite last night, some stray thought jumped into my head:

If we could just disappear infront of anyone at our willing and pass through walls unhampered , will the words "facing the music" and "being a man" lose its sense?

Wow. That sounds profound.

I had thought of that a million times in the past. Those were the times when my stupidity's at it's best, and i have officially evolved from idiot to pre-caveman.

If we had a choice, i know most of will just simply run away from our problems and totally forget about it. Some would resort to getting themeselves entangled into more complicated relationships. Some would even take away their lives just to ease the pain they thought they could no longer handle.

Some simply move on.

I wish i could do the third one. But there's a part of me who would always find comfort on reliving the sweet life as it used to be.

If living thislife is in being chained to coils of despicable memories, will the silence in death heal my raging wounds?

* * * * *

Now, while the trainer was discussing the difference between a Cold Transfer and a Warm Transfer, another question suddenly popped off my head:

If there exists a cold-blooded murderer, then have you ever met warm-blooded one?

A cold-blooded murderer takes on his kill without showing any trace of remorse or guilt. They would usually chop someone's head like they would on garlic cloves.

Hmm... I know a lot of people who could be warm blooded killers. But a cold blooded killer?

At some point i thought i could pass for one.

* * * * *

The Verizon Tech Support is way beyond insufferable. The knowledge base is way too complicated. Even the documentation tools make my eyes and brains bleed to death. I wanna go back to Dell

Please...

Notice of Closure

2007-09-28T07:38:00.000+08:00

This blog is officially Closed.

New Blog: http://deadpoet-poetan.blogspot.com/

As Fall Out Boy sings: Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories...

Yup. Thanks.

SanMar Chronicles Jan 12. Special Training, Book Reviews and a special f** review on Nokia 6233

2007-01-12T15:03:00.000+08:00

Yey! I'd be doing a training this Feb. Sa wakas, maibabalik ko
na rin ang dangal ko sa mga Physics major!!

I've always wanted to be a teacher. I thought it's fun to share
what you know to others, and watch them outgrow their old ways. It may be
frustrating to come across stubborn hearts, who cling to what they know is right
but not after all. But hey, welcome to life. There's a sea of stubborn souls in
the workplace, in the malls, and even in our very homes. Best of all, the
feeling you get when your pupils achieve their goals is priceless. Plus, as the
TV Ad says, "...for everything else, there's MasterCard"

Haha. So whenever I'd get a chance to treat my tutee, I'd certainly do it.

* * * *

I don't wan't to dwell much on that. I'm actually planning to come up with book reviews but I guess I've read too much of them. I bought several books during the last week of 2006 and bought some more on the 3rd of January. I just finished all except one last night. The book is about a man's struggle from drug addiction. sorry to interrupt the story, but i fucking hate how blogspot mangles the format of my entry, so im putting tthe rest of this on my tabulas blog.

www.tabulas.com/~kyrusjien

P.S. Finally, i just figured out how to make my entry look OK with the pictures. HAHAHA. That's why i always love tabulas.

The Philippine Congress is a bunch of shitheads!!!

2006-12-06T19:57:00.000+08:00

TANGHENANG KONGRESO NG PILIPINAS YAN!!!

Fig. 1. The Fucking Congress today.

Graaaaahhhh!!! Nanggigigil kaya ako sa Bus habang fina-flash news yang tungkol sa Cha-Cha Express. May panahon pa silang mag-parlay in the comfort of their swivel chairs (habang may ibang kongresistang naiidlip na kasi siguro, napuyat kagabi sa kaka-videoke) habang natutulog sa lamigan, sa siksikang instant evacuation centers... more here: >> http://tabulas.com/~Kyrusjien/1335938.html

The rewards of wrestling with a rowdy schmuck

2006-09-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

Round 1

HEHEHE! Ang saya-saya ko!!!

Nung una, di ako makapaniwala nung bi-nreak ni Marge yung news sa'kin. Syempre ang pangit no? yung house maid pa nagsabi sa'kin (BIAS!! utak-kolonyal --- actually, iba kasi feeling kung yung parents ang unang nagbreak ng news sa akin. 'ika nga, what make special messages even more special is its herald...)

continuation: http://tabulas.com/~Kyrusjien/1317793.html

kung bakit walang salamankang itim si Dinky

2006-09-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

lately ko lang na-realize... isa palang tunay na salamangka si Former DSWD secretary Dinky Soliman???

Eto ang pruweba:

MABUHAY ANG SALADIN!!!

IBAGSAK ANG MGA HALIMAW SA PALASYO NG ARKAPOL!!!

Mabuhay si Dinky!!!

listahan ng mga utang at mga butal

2006-08-27T14:45:00.001+08:00

Di na ako makaalis-alis sa sumpa ng utang. Tuwing kinsenas nalang lagi akong me binabayaran. Tulad ngayong 31st:

1. PhP.700.00 - utang sa paluwagan kasi nagipit ako.
2. PhP. 500.00 - utang kay ate Mai kasi nagipit din ako.
3. PhP. 900.00 - boarding house fee.
4. PhP. 1,000.00 - utang kay Glen
5. PhP. 100.00 utang ulit sa paluwagan na inutang ko kaninang umaga (na pinantaksi ko lang pala.

I have an issue with those R & E Taxis. They're the cabs i least expect to charge the most. Maniniwala ka bang PhP 125.00 mula Ermita hanggangOrtigas Center? Badtrip, nagsardinas at kape tuloy ako sa ofis.
Actually, in the future, i'll have more reasons to take the cab to work, lalo na't masarap umidlip ng tig-fa-five minutes kapag nai-set mo ang alarm ng celfone mo ng 4:00 AM Manila Time. Papalapit pa ang December... so lalong mahirap bumangon. May bago kasing directive mula sa kanyang kamahalang si Raisa Oliveros ukol sa chronic absences at lates. Abusado kasi team namin, ayan tuloy, no lates and unreasonable absences within 180 days.)

So anyway, magkanu kaya ang mga utang ko in all? Let's see: (actually nagka-calculator na ako... Sheeeeeeeeeeeet!!! 3,200 ang utang ko!!! 'Nak ng teteng . Panu pa ako magsusurvive nito? Panu pala kung 6,000 lang swelduhin ko for this cut-off?

Isa lang tumatakbo sa isip ko.. papayag kaya si ate Mai na sa next cut-off ko nalang siya bayaran?

* * * * *

So much of money talks. Let's talk about the twilight of boundaries and defined limits per se. They say such is the mark of our age. Fictional works on leading university literary folios reflect that. Our young authors slowly veer away from the defined elements and features of short stories. (what are the feautures of a short story anyway)

Naku, mahirap pag-usapan yan. Next time nalang (hehehe...)

Di, seryoso. talagang nag-iiba na talaga anyo ng mga short-stories ngayon, although award winning works still attempt to preserve the traditional form of short stories (may beginning, conflict, tsaka resolution/climax.) Di pa rin naman nawawala ang character development sa karamihan ng mga short-stories (which adds up to the beauty of the work) - kunsabagay, anu nga namang klaseng kwento yun kung clueless ka sa katauhan ng/ng mga tauhan mo.

So talagang next time nalang, mukhang walang patutunguhan 'tong mga pinagsususulat ko... such criticism elicits "matamang paglilimi-limi" kasi mahirap mag-shoot ng arrows in the air. Sayang ang mga salita.

Well, i could say something definite out of these though. basahin mo ang buong text ng entry na ito, at ma-rerealize mo, eto na ang makabagong anyo ng pakikipagdiskurso sa Filipino. Although sa totoo lang, medyo akademikal ang atake ng ibang mga linya, pero ganun pa man, ito pa rin ang isa sa mga pinakamalapit na halimbawa ng " Filipino Speak" as of the present.

* * * * *

(currently playing Dixie Chicks' Travelling Soldier on Radio Blog )

Ti-nayp ko name ni Afton sa internet. Kinasal na pala siya nung July 29.

Parang kailan lang no...

* * * * *

Yes! aprubado na yung Visa Clear Mini ko! Problema lang, andami ko na nga utang, magke-kredit card pa ako... Badtrip kasi yang Smart na yang eh... para daw ma-aprubahan yung Plan 800 with Free SE K608i ko, dapat daw kumikita ako ng PhP. 20,000 monthly.

Aba! Magkano lang ba ang K608i? ediba PhP, 14,000 lang naman yun kung Cash... Buti sana kung SD supported yung unit, e hindi naman... 32 MB lang memory niya...

AT nung nag-canvas ako ng mga celfones sa SM... di pala masyadong tanggap ang citibank. Mas preferred nila HSBC or BPI credit cards... anu ba yan... wala na ba akong pag-asang umunlad?

nung nagsawa na ako sa Keane

2006-08-17T10:57:00.000+08:00

Dumarating ka pala sa pagkakataon na yung mga paborito mo, napagsasawaan mo rin. Dati kasi, baliw na baliw ako sa Keane; tipong sa tuwing maririnig ko ang bandang yan sa Jam o kahit saang estasyon, napapahinto ako talaga namang lumalapit pa ako sa pinagmumulan ng tunog para alang marinig ko yung kanta.

Kunsabagay, nangyayari lang naman yun sa akin kung sunud-sunod na araw ko na silang napakikinggan; sa internet radio, sa celfone ko, sa jeep o sa mga radyo ng kapitbahay. Lilipas ang ilang linggo na di ako makikinig ng Keane sa radioblog.com. Sa halip, magbababad muna ako sa pinoy alternative gaya ng Sugarfree, Rivermaya, Orange and Lemons, Itchyworms at siyempre, Eraserheads. Pero sa kakaiwas ko sa Keane, minsan, lumalabas din sila sa line-up ng mga songs eh, lalo na kung sa celfone ako nakikinig. At dahil Keane addict nga ako, di ko paring mapigilang matunawan ng pagka-sawa ko sa kanila. Mas nangingibabaw yung impact ng mga awit nila noong minsan kong naranasan kung gaano katotoo at kasaklap yung melody at mensahe ng mga kanta nila.

Mas matindi pa noong bagu-bago ko pa lang naririnig ang Keane. Parang umaalon yung dibdib ko; para akong na-depress dahil naka-inom ako ng depressant o nakarinig ng balita na may isang malapit sa puso ko na namatay. Hindi ko alam kung anung klaseng sakit ang "paghilab ng tiyan" kapag nanganganak ang isang babae. Pero kung pagbabasehan ko yung itsura ng isang nanganganak kung umi-iri siya, at kung anong sakit ang humahagupit sa buong katauhan niya, hilab ang sa tingin ko'ng tumpak na salitang tumutukoy sa nararamdaman ko sa tuwing naririnig ko ang mga kanta nila.

Lalo na yung Everybody's Changing.

** ** **

So little time

Try to understand that I'm

Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

I try to stay awake and remember my name

But everybody's changing

And I don't feel the same.

- Keane, Everybody's Changing

Dahil sa kantang yan, napasulat ako ng isang tula. At habang sinusulat ko yung tula na yan, humihilab yung puso ko sa pagka-depress...

akala ko nga tuloy humahagulgol na ako pero hindi pala, sumisikip lang pala ang dibdib ko sa depression.

** ** **

Habang isinusulat ko ito, may nabasa akong bulletin. May tanong do'n.

" 21. has anyone made a poem for you?"

at ang sagot niya:

"- Yes, and they are all well treasured."

Kung alam lang niya...

** ** **

On Remembering my Beloved

By the time you disappear

and fade into beautiful light

all that shall be left of you

would be memories in still scenes

(a play I could restage in my secret theatre for free)

of you coming out of your door

basking in the scent of Victoria's Secret,

countenance glowing with Shiseido's

(and I guess you're likewise laced

with an orange teddy-bear printed undies)

of you surveying the campus grounds,

way up to our class, wisps of your crown

swimming with the crisp, daybreak breeze

(plus clickety-clack goes your Mendrez heels

and of you asserting your discourse

before a class of forty, while I two rows

away gazes awestruck; the trends of our

opinions eventually inflecting towards yours.

(some of which would be left on

cold photographs sheets,

on small coffee talks even.)

* * * *

and so by the time I get tired

of playing your memories over and over

like an old favorite Beeges album,

I shall resign to the stillness

of a lazy wednesday afternoon.

Watch the skies turn gray,

or simply wait for stars to show up.

The dusk shall remind me always

of our real-time presence;

the day when it

was once

you.

January, 2005
San Antonio, Paranaque.

toilet ethics 101

2006-07-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

I just went back to the pc stations just to sign on and rant about one schmuck in the person of my officemate. Nasa CR kasi ako; i was doing my dump. Eh alangan namang pigilin ko pa siya, eh halos isang oras ang biyahe sa bus. Pabor din sakin kung late ako uuwi. Atleast, mapapanood ko ang Dragonball-Z tsaka Jewel in the Palace.

Tipid pa sa battery. I have this portable TV kasi, which i got for just PhP. 2,000. Eh kung manonood nalang ako somewhere, atleast di ko na kailangang gamitin pa yung battery. I'll just have it reserved for the evening shows.

So yun. Anyway, badtrip talaga. Ipagsigawan ba naman ang pangalan ko sa buong CR? Eh kasama pa niya yung isang REx (Resolutions Expert Tech). So pinagtatawanan nila ako kasi mabaho daw...

Eh malamang... tae kaya yun...

Inis na inis talaga ako sa loob ng cubicle. And he even had the guts to call my name over and over as if we're the closest friends in the world, chiding each one’s flaws. And how could that qualify as a valid flaw at any rate? To dump your shit is the most natural thing on earth to do. The ugly smell comes with it though, but hey, who in the world has had a nice smelling shit?

Officemate 1: “(name ko), ang baho naman… kadiri… (name ko), sumagot ka…
Officemate 2: Oo nga, teka baka naman hindi si (name ko) yan?
Officemate 1: Si (name ko) yan… (tawag niya name ko…), sumagot ka naman…

At ang kupal, tuluy-tuloy ang pagtawag sa pangalan ko…

Wala siyang ethics. He should have thought that the very structure of toilet cubicles is designed to assure its users comfort and seclusion. The cubicle dividers were built considerably high and long for a tall person to peep in. Even if a person bows too low, he’d have his back broken first before he could even catch a glimpse of the shoes the person inside the cubicle is wearing.

To breach that wall of security is to invade the user’s privacy. That’s humiliating for any person, you see. And that’s what he did.

So no matter how much he called my name, I just kept mum. I acted as if I never heard anything. A good dosage of indifference is said to be deadly for suckers.

And so I finished my rituals (man, it took me 30 minutes to do that huh?). I remember consuming over 14 sheets of napkins for that. Every swipe was never satiating. I always felt there’s still dirt left on my ass. And so I wished I was back home, where I almost use up almost a foot-tall pail of water.

And like the dirty feeling on my ass, my infuriation with that schmuck was never wiped out as well.

Tula: La Mesa, by AAH, 06.24.06

2006-07-02T13:54:00.000+08:00

La Mesa

1. Nanuyo na ang talinhaga
sa mata ng mga musmos
na ang bituka'y
ginasgas ng tutong at
tubig NAWASAng
pinatamis ng Chlorine.

2. Humaharurot palabas
sa gilagid ng kanilang
sikmura ang kamusmusan,
habang walang humpay
na gumuguhit sa inu-ulcer
nilang mga utak ang
mga putang-ina't hayup ka!

6.24.06
11:05 Manila Time
Ermita, Manila

Tula: Showerhead, by AAH

2006-07-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

Showerhead

Hugasan mo ako
sa iyong banal na dugo

hanggang sa mapuksa
silang lahat na malalansa,

mula Estero de Sta Clara
hanggang Look ng Maynila

06.24.06
11:05 Manila Time
Ermita, Manila

bathroom snapshots plus some snippets

2006-06-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

photo #1: shower room

Taking a bath is a pleasure for me.. especially when i do it on albert's place. I begin by soaking myself on the shower for a couple of minutes and let the water drench my whole body. when i feel wet enough, i start kneading my head, then down to my temples, and the my earlobes. then i shift to my face; my palms rubbing round my forehead down to my chin. i do the same with my neck; i let the water and the circular motion of my palms wash the grease out of it. i stay a little while on my nape, because that's where i feel grease the most.

And as the water slithers soothingly on my skin , i rubbing around my arms, then wrap it around my chest to reach my back. then i grope towards my shoulder, way down to my hips. Then i brush through my shins, legs and feet roughly especially if i feel dirtylike dirt's sticking out of me. And throughout the course of my routine, i let the water run through my body, spreading enough wetness for the soap to lather richly on my skin. And when i feel i've been staying too long under the shower, i switch the knob and fumble for the soap.

(too bad i forgot to get pics of these... i'll get some one of these days.)

I have this odd way of using soaps which i just learned recently from a friend. He said he couldn't figure out why the soap bar ends up peculiarly out of shape after few days of me using it. He surmised i might have the soap on my palms as i knead my way throughout my body while the water's running.

Apparently he was right. I was never aware of that at all until he told me that. Funny it took someone else's soap and bathroom to bring that out in the light.

So that explains the rich froth running down excessively on my shins.

when you feel like breaking up...

2006-06-02T12:33:00.000+08:00

"Basically, what I've done is I've exchanged one set of complications for another ..." - Fr. Andrew Kiernan, Stigmata

Sometimes, i wonder if i decided to go back to school and face the INCs i left. I would never know if i would be able to complete them at all. But as how i see it, it appears that my suspicion is right... i may never be able to make it if i ever decide to continue the physics for teachers program. i don't even remember what limits are. much worse, i'm not sure if i could still remember how to solve the x and y axes of an object's motion running at a certain distance.

and to be honest, i'm not sure if that was the right way to state a problem regarding speed and motion. i don't seem to be a physics undergrad at all...

But what if i chose another road? Say, get away from all the troubles i'm entangled with, live all by myself and forget i ever had a family.

I feel like i'm contradicting myself. I cannot, under any circumstances, sever my attachments with my family. They're one of the few precious things left to me by this fucked-up life. I've lost my inheritance money, my scholarship allowance, my pride and even my very own self, and to think of leaving them to fend themeselves off sounds horrific. How can a 10 year old kid live life in a jungle of steel and concrete. Without someone to guide them, they might end up 10 times worse than me.

To be honest, at this rate (i mean the rate of troubles impacting my life every three to five weeks at least), i really cannot tell how long would i stand on my ground. I feel like i'm just forcing myself to stand up after every blow just so those people holding on me won't get hurt.

But i've got to stay. If i have to keep my hold just so i could stop the endless cycle of failed lives, i'll hold. I probably am too anxious to get past these troubles.

And when i'm done with all of these, i'll buy a 10 cu ft. ref. after 5 months, i'll buy a laptop or a desktop. and when finances seem stable, i'll subscribe to pldt vibe.

And when everything seems fine, i'll go back to school and take up AB literature or AB english teaching.

metamorphosis: dell consumer hardware warranty support - dell technical support

2006-05-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

Processes keep on changing here at Dell. for six weeks, they'll be training all their technical support agents regarding technical issues with factory-installed operating system. basically this means we may have to learn working with registry editing, more BSODs, and hosts of error messages cust encounter with programs like internet explorer, windows media player etc. this would also include basic OS navigation like, creating shortcuts and creating the resolution screen.

GRAAAAHHHHH!!!!! I don't even want to touch the registry editor at all!

napoleonic tendencies and mixed-up captions...

2006-05-14T10:27:00.000+08:00

Gearing up for an outing isn't that easy, especially when you just learned that almost 21 people died from a capsized ferry due to some typhoon presently hitting the Southern Tagalog.

(Hmmm... So that explains the crash of rain on the rooftops
and the forceful gush of the wind that insistently pushed on me earlier as i
went home from work.

Thanks for RRCG and the TVs on their coaches, i
found out we've got some disaster rolling somewhere. )

I didn't really want to join my workmates because i just wanted to catch up with my sleep but since almost all of them are resigning from CL, i finally decided to go with them. While i'm off the road, i deliberately realized embarking for a company team-building trip sometimes turn out to be an exasperating warm-upper for the next beerkada sessions i know's surely coming up.

I had to take 4 jeeps to even get into the pick-up point (Padi's Point, Antipolo). And catching the last jeep was a royal pain in the butt, as i had to run to and fro to check if the jeep has the Antipolo signboard or not. Talk about getting soaked while waiting for the next Antipolo - bound jeep! And my jaws were literally shaking as the wind gets colder. I wished i didn't forget to bring my jacket but i was too busy hurrying up to even remember that.

*****

As soon i reached the bar, I propped myself comfortably on one of their reception area couches while waiting for Charles to fetch me. But i was more interested with the Metro Manila view from the glass windows of the bar. So i sat transfixed as i saw how those tiny dots amassed themeselves into a very sophisticated assembly of lights. I wish i could get a little closer to the view but i quickly realized i'm just some bystander taking shelter here and waiting for someone.

I thought probably i could spare some cash so i could sit on one of the window side tables and watch it real close without worrying myself of the bartenders' prying eyes. I fumbled on my pockets and on my planner to check on my cards and my money, but i found out i just have barely enough for the bail money i'm saving for the 15th.

And so i contented myself with just watching the glowing stretch of the metro from a distance.

*****

My reverie was punctuated by a voice calling my name. I figured it was Charles after all, waving from a van parked infront of Padi's. As i made my way out of the bar, I caught a last glimpse of the city before i got in the van.

(i don't wanna talk about the rest of the night 'cause i almost got into a little skirmish with some sluggard - which i don't wanna remember too.)

*****

The following morning, i fought the cold wrapped on my skin so i could get to the resort's front porch. As i was heading close, i could see the Ortigas Business Center stretch across the horizon. Whoa! Imagine the metro squeezed the size of your palms stretched out. You would never believe how amazed i was at the sight of it.

I remember what the parapyschologist from The Mothman Prophecies said about the power some higher beings sitting on the higher planes have. Given their strategic situation, you can imagine what grand invincibility and omniscience they've got within their fingertips.

And so i felt like one of those formidable mothmans sitting on the astral plane, looking upon those feeble mortal beings and their funny civilization, which i can just wipe out from existence with just a wink of my eye. I figured the world was so fragile i could easily smash it in a jiffy. Imagine the whole stretch of Manila all within my hands...

And in a flash, the sight snatched me back to my feet again. i began scouring the horizon for familiar figures. i was trying to look up where megamall is, but i could hardly find it from the array of buildings which now look like toy blocks from where i'm sitting. I counted from building to building as i tried to imagine where mega A and B should be sitting.

After minutes of figuring where the megamall is, i just settled myself into simply staring at it. I know i would never understand the surreal awe i felt as the whole of mega manila lies stretching across the western horizon.

The Metro would never be the same to me again.

And so i left Antipolo with the desire to again see Manila shrunk to the size of my palms in the near future.

World domination coming up next, hehehe...

2006-04-07T04:33:00.000+08:00

I'm beginning to understand how it feels to be a living dead. i'm forced to wake up everyday just so i could come to work early. i'm forced to jump off my bed and to forget all of my troubles just so i could catch up with the sleep i need. i go to work 'cause if i don't, i sure would get fired. no work, no money.

I'm not enjoying what i'm doing now.

I wanted to teach. i wanted to draft strategic plans to address administrative issues in the academe. i wanted to attend conferences and exchange thoughts with experts from diverse fields. i wanted to make a difference...

i wanted to be...

...complete. (pasintabi sa centrum commercial.)

now our sked got worse...

2006-03-27T15:21:00.000+08:00

harrr... nakakainis... change sked na naman kami... but it seems better this time.

now no more excuses for not going to church...

and god it's summer! mahirap matulog sa araw....

sheeet!

*****

everyone's leaving clientlogic now... back then, half of the team left to work at siemen's... and at less effort, now they're earning 20,000 +++ monthly. amy and allan's convincing me to move at siemen's but i said,

i might not make it...

But it's far from PNU. To get into eastwood city, i would have to take the take a 10 - 12 minute walk from home to taft ave, then take cubao route. afterwhich i should get a rosario jeep after probably a 5 - 8 minute walk from the cubao stopover.

all for 20,000 +++... not bad though.

but then... pagod na pagod ako noon. i remember during the 5am-2:30pm shift that the cubao route would take almost an hour to reach its end.

i could feel so much uneasiness within. i don't want to be left behind. tapos napaka-unfriendly pa sa mga employees ng companies...

di ko alam kung dapat ba akong magresign or not...

canned koreanovelas are good source of brain vitamins essential for Values Education 205

2006-03-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

Val Ed 205
Chapter 4

Persistence beyond unimaginable odds.

This is the unwavering will to carry on despite outright pointlessness as per dictated by society's mores and culture. An unmoved, protruding boulder of rock on a riverbed; mindless of the eventual erosion it is heading to. The stubborn decision to penetrate the thickness of the jungle, armed with a bleak, foolish hope that wildlife is just a mere figment of a scout ranger's reverie.

This is the lesson I learned from the tale of a Palace Maiden and a Royal Kitchen Lady

Lady Han's wisdom is confounding yet altogether enlightening. Water is not simply water. It may serve as food and cure for someone's ailing body, and the demand for it varies according to one's specific needs. Had Jang Geum failed to go on, she would have never understood the value of things often left aside by the simple minded; common things like water, that pose as one of the many ordinary elements of what constitutes the totality of humanity's existence. Had the young lass fallen into the trap of rationalizing the chore she was tasked to do, she would have never learned Persistence in bare flesh and truth.

I am just as amazed with her response. At a glance, I was quick to figure out her possible pitfalls and success ladders. As a child, her patience and attention are underdeveloped. This is evident on most feeding time scenarios where mothers have to force their way to their children's appetite. And yet, when something captivates their attentions, they would almost freeze to fixation until they swallow it whole. This second inclination is normal for anything tangible but not for tasks or physical activities.

However, Jang Geum took the road less traveled. She went on despite the fact that her persistence rewarded her not only a special place in Lady Han's heart, but an unsurmountable determination to live the life of the grasses; always being uprooted and yet springing back to life.

Most notably, it was her persistence despite the obvious absurdity of the task that laid one of the many bricks on the long road towards her rise one day as the Dae Jang Geum of Ancient Chosun Dynasty.

how to be sad in the midst of a bustling city on a high noon

2006-02-21T13:49:00.000+08:00

Sumbody asked me on text how am i doing. i said i was having a haircut, and it's a sort of a response to how am i feeling today.

i am trying to feel fine by resorting to anything that will stand for change. i just love what i did. sumbody said i looked clean. those came from one of the hottest girls in the office. sounds nice doesn't it?

ahh... changes. i remember jostein gaardner quoting heraclitus about changes. fine, one cannot step on the same river twice. cliche.

anyway, that's not what i'm ranting on. i'm actually resorting to change as a cure for what's going on in me... hoping that just like any river that would never ever be the same; may its waters wash along the sadness wrapped around me the way a carpet of mosses does on a dried-up stump...

am i sad? not now. i'm at work. i have to lay it aside for the time being because i'll be absorbing 20 calls of frustration and hopelessness today.

so cheer up. encantadia's on book three now. nice cinematic attempts. something worth looking forward at...

so this is life in manila...

2006-01-18T15:37:00.000+08:00

I am just disturbed by FVR and his cohorts' insistence with charter change. Since I heard it billowing on the news back when i was in high school, i felt as if i have always known that this ploy appears to be a very dangerous attempt to grab the powers-that-may-be.

Let me quote what Neal Cruz of PDI said recently wrote about this issue:

A parliamentary/unicameral government is run by the political party in
power as if it is a dictatorship or a monarchy. There is no system of checks and balances as we now have in a presidential/bicameral government. The members of Parliament are also Cabinet members, and have influence over the Supreme Court and the judiciary. In other words, they can do pretty much what they want and there is nothing the people can do to stop them, except mount a revolution or a coup d'état. If the majority party can do what it is now doing in a bicameral government in rushing headlong into Cha-cha, imagine what it will do in a parliamentary government.

(italics and emphases mine)

So you see, it's pretty scary to have big changes like that without thinking it over. Personally, I don't see a need to change the constitution. What we need are rulers who have the heart and balls to enforce the law, and to lead right. It appears that they spend much time bickering and throwing mud on each others' faces than really addressing the needs of the people.

It seems that Bayani Fernando is just one of the few Filipino rulers who are really into serving the country. I myself am a son of a street-vendor, and I know how the laws he enforces feel like. When he said on TV that he'll wipe clean the sidewalks from obstructions, he really meant it. Much like Lady Justice whose eyes are blindfolded, he wields his sword without impartiality. The streetrats may say he's ruthless; but I say "Bayani understands Urbanidad more than anyone else." They shouldn't be there in the first place.

I hate to appear ruthless. Who says immigration is evil? But people from the provinces are too adventurous. Some end up in the luxuries of Forbes Park. Some end up in the slums of the Pasig River. Everyone thinks there's gold all over the metro.

Dapat itinataguyod nila ang mga porbinsya nila. Kung magsisisksikan silang lahat sa Maynila, magiging ghost towns na yung mga probinsya nila. Manila has been clogged too much. Today, Manila sucks. Reason why we have kids asking for alms?

Don't get me started.

SanMar Journals (chronicles of a young man who almost forgot it's christmas time...)

2005-12-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

Part 1

Pasko na, sinta ko,
Hanap-hanap kita...
Kung mawawala ka
Sa piling ko sinta
Paano ang pasko
Alay ko sa'yo

It must have been very sad for my mom as she breathed her last during that fateful day. I knew she died on a February, but it seems that she's been missing my dad who parted away seven years before she did, she never felt as sad as to spend christmas without him.

Now I'm counting two weeks before christmas, and I could still feel the sadness she left on that hospital bed seeping into my veins. I remembered holding her hand the whole night before she left. I was softly massaging her palm to probably make her feel I'm by her side, and I did that till I fell asleep. I got so used to kneading her palm I woke up the next day doing the same thing.

Whoops! Reality Check: I'm back on my bed. browsing through some paperwork and my favorite paperback Angels and Demons; the frail twinkling of our neighbor's christmas lights occasionally catching my attention.

These lights just makes my insides feel unexplainably gloomy. I have cold facts right before my face. I'll be spending the Christmas Eve with myself and my PhP. 6,000 right on my pocket - no moms or dads and even grannies to share christmas with.

Me, my money and my bed.

Sad, isn't it?

* * * *

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la...

How could I even smile when I wouldn't even know how would I spend my Christmas Eve. Fine. Get into the nearest netcafe and eye for a possible e-date. Yahoo! Chatr, MlRC, Friendsters. Take your pick. Lord knows where would it leads to...

Late, fleeting nights. Espresso. Sex.

Sigh.

* * * *
Nights seem to get brighter these days. Almost all boarding houses here are decked with X-Mas lights and Parols. Love Radio and GMA Kapuso's getting loaded with Yuletide jingles and what-have-yous. Those cute parols on the bakery facing Cheechums look real nice. But neither any of the tinderas' faces neither show any signs of the Season's Greetings at all.

Why Not? The opposite is strewn all over the place like Maxx's plastic wrappers and Marlboro cig butts. A haggard-looking woman clutching the hand of her 3 year old kid tugs the hem of one of those Adamsonian Nursing students' blouse in hopes of getting a teeny-weeny share of their ninongs' Aguinaldos. BoyBeng's Mistress just screamed on this poor woman's face as she dared to gather the left-overs of this carinderia's customers who can't even finish a half rice+ulam meal. Front sheet of Inquirer says "I never Left Manila" says Garci. Interesting. Squirmed my hand in my pocket to buy the paper.

Too bad I only had 11 pesos. And it's 8 days before the 25th.

Merry Christmas alright.

* * * *
So you'll be going home for christmas huh? Good for you. Tell your moms and dads you love them very much while they're still around. Do it while you still can. I never had the chance to do it back when they still walked the face of this damn ugly world. I was too busy getting mad at them. "Why only 50 pesos for baon?", "Why can't I join my classmate's beer-day party?", Why do we work too much and don't spend some time to talk to me like their nice goody-two shoes son?" and a host of complaints only a loser could ever give.

Enough of these rantings before I get overwhelmed by so much guilt. You've heard too much. I don't know if I got my message across.

Don't try these on your homes.

Instead, love them while you can. And then maybe, I can sit on my bed peacefully, thinking this could be the last nightmare you readers could ever have.

state of affairs sa office pagkabasa ng inq7.net

2005-11-20T17:37:00.000+08:00

Of the one billion people economists classify as abjectly poor-that is,
people who live on less than one US dollar or P55 per day-some 700 million live
in Asia. Altogether, about 1.9 billion Asians live on $2 or less per
day.
- P55 a day, Editorial, INQ7.net

True Enough. I could remember back in high school when my baon was 50 pesos - that time, a dollar is worth 52.25 pesos. Barely enough for a 15 peso burger, 10 peso softdrink and a 25 peso lunch meal.
Just last semester, I live on 40 pesos daily... lunch and dinner combined:
lunch
vegetable meal = 10 pesos
2 cups of rice = 10 pesos
dinner
5 one-peso hotdog slices = 5 pesos
2 cups rice = 10 pesos

Most people I know here in the metro survives with only a hundred peso on their pockets. Well, that's too much for grade schoolers, unless they're network games addicts. My boardmates' daily allowances range from 100 to 150 pesos. They still have the luxury to go to computer shops or buy out-of-merienda-time snacks.

of kupals and kupaloids...

2005-11-17T15:48:00.000+08:00

have you ever been with kupals?

kupal na kupal talaga ako sa mga tao sa mundo

i.
may mga kupal na barker...
nakatayo lang sila sa gilid ng jeep, bumubulung-bulong:

"o quiapo quiapo quiapo..."

kupal!

bakit? lumapit ba ung mga pasahero dahil sa pabulung-bulong mo?
isa kang linta na lumilingkis-lingkis sa mga pobreng drayber

hayup ka!!! magbanat ka ng buto! at 'wag mong bwisitin ang mga drayber na nagpapagod maghapon magdamag magbiyahe para lang may maipakain sa mga anak niya, tapos heto ka, padisplay-display ka sa gilid ng jeep.

ii.
kupal na __________
i'll leave that for the next day.

abot-kamay ang langit

2005-11-13T16:32:00.000+08:00

Abot-kamay
Orange and Lemons

Verse 1:
Nakaw tingin
Sumasabay sa hangin
Sabihin mo sa 'kin
Anong kailangan kong gawin

Refrain:
Upang malapitan, mamasdan, at mahawakan
Taglay mong kagandahan

Chorus:
Abot kamay ang langit
Gayumang taglay ng awit
Abot kamay ang langit

Abot kamay ang langit
Haplos na dala ng tinig
Abot kamay ang langit

Verse 2:
Nais kong abutin
Kislap ng mga bituin
Samyo ng umaga sa hardin
Anong kailangan kong gawin

Refrain:
Upang malapitan, mamasdan, at mahawakan
Taglay mong kagandahan

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

haaaaaaahhhh!!! na-kakabaliw ang mga kanta ng orange and lemons!!!!

fragments: memories of childhood

2005-08-11T05:23:00.000+08:00

It was 7 am, i woke up with my palm clutching my mom's. I've been holding it the whole night but i couldn't feel the warmth i am suppose to feel after almost half a day of holding hers. It was so numb i felt like holding a dead man's hand. So coarse and dry my tears would never be enough to drench even a part of it..

These were hands who once washed my ass after soiling my fresh-from-Saudi Duty-Free Pampers (kids barely wore diapers during the late 80's, my tita recounts...) These were also the same hands who slapped me on my cheek when i shouted back at her because i didn't want her sleeping with our tindero. Fine, she's single. Seven years of widowhood could have been terribly miserable for her she needs some company, but i didn't like the idea of having a helper for a step-daddy. i think that's awful. i will always love my papa, even if we always get a lot of bluish-red bruises from him.

Yeah, that was a horrible childhood. Back then we used to have papags covered with bamboo strips as beddings. Our househelps used to sleep on those papags. So when we get low grades, my dad would start getting screwed up he'll start pulling bamboo strips from the papags and whip us real good.

That was a really awful. All eyes would be on us and on our skins. Our teachers would be thinking of escalating this issue to Bantay Bata 163. Friends would huddle around us and ask if we're just fine. Well of course we aren't. Can't you see our skins are swelling? We would evade any close contact to the sisters, as this would be a serious issue for them. we've had enough of "issues" so to speak anyway...

Which brings me back to reality. All i could see is just a bleak future for our family. If my mom survives, how in the world are we gonna take care of her? The tindahan she left for us wouldn't pay much for our daily needs, wants, monthly dues plus bumbays to boot. If my mom dies then that would be the scariest part of my life. How in the world am i gonna feed five mouths, or raise them just like any ordinary kid-next-door? two are in grade school, and the other two adolescents. I am especially concerned of their formation years... and i'm not doing any good as a kuya to them. (duh! like there's something like kuya factor)

Yeah. me and my fucked-up life. I only care about my needs, like i need attention; i need guidance, i need help... i need i need i need (ad infinitum)... Im so selfish, that's why i bought my self TheUnbearableLightnessofBeing, DaVinciCode and other books while leaving them on their last pairs of clothes my parents bought back then. I'm so selfish i'd rather date girls to starbucks or jollibee than buy them pasalubong when i get home. I can't even think of giving them birthday gifts like what they really deserve.

Funny i dream of giving them (or helping them) live a normal life, this oh-so-ordinary life i've been yearning to have, when all i do is to make myself feel comfy, safe and warm. Yeah i'm working my ass off 24/7 but where does my money go?
Taxi fare? Lunch at KFC (and treating some friends along for a good meal)? books? celfone load? pastries on coffee houses (coz a frappé would cost more than a hundred peso)
Yeah right. everyone thinks i'm the oh-how-so-heroic kuya who saves the world of his siblings by wearing his life out. and he's not thinking of getting odd jobs (which would make anyone wonder how would it ever feed the luxurious lifestyle he can't get out of his system).

These things make me guilty.

And when i remember my mom... it makes me frustrated about life. why do i have to live this life. can't i have a life where, somehow, papa would coach me daring moves and feats on the court, or biking with him along edsa or roxas boulevard. or the five of us on a sunny, sunday noon at the aristocrat or max's (well, jollibee...)

But how could that possible? Papa's been faraway from us since childhood. He never brushed my hair when i get 100s on my quarterly exams. i dont even remember talking about anything dads should talk with their sons, like cars, sports or girls... i was too young to talk about the first girlfriend i would ever have (...). Or how about taking things easy, sitting back and enjoying life. A drink or two and a puff of dreamy smoke should say that.

but he never drinks. he never smokes too. and neither do i.

i have strangled them too much on my tales. all down the drain...

enough of these bitter memories

of love and other demons

2005-08-05T04:15:00.000+08:00

labis na naiinip
nayayamot sa bawat saglit
kapag naaalala ka
wala naman akong magawa

at first, i thought you were just a vague figment of memory that i had. but sometimes, i wanted to dismiss you from my thoughts as some unintelligible blend of reality and fiction. i said i'd miss you. but my heart wanted to forget you. i missed you, but i am too afraid to see you coming back. you might not be the person i used to know...

hanggang kailan ako maghihintay
na makasama ka muli sa buhay
kong puno ng paghihirap

at tanging ikaw lang ang
pumapawi sa mga luha at
naglalagay ng ngit sa mga labi

Ah, the eternal return. It is horrid to be dragged into an eternal cycle of life death and life again, only to wallow in a sea of bitter memories.

umuwi ka na baby,
di na ako sanay na wala ka
mahirap ang mag-isa
at sa gabi'y hinahanap-hanap kita...

some nights i wanted to get out of my bed and do the corniest things tagalog telenovelas have ever done on their shows, like sitting by the window, staring at empty spaces or watching trees and its shadows bob in exasperated nods. or writing down poems of anguish or strumming mellow touch songs on an old guitar. (which i couldn't 'cause i never learned how to play the guitar)

i wouldn't want to get back to bed either. the folds of my bedsheets would only remind me of the stifled whispers and moans that has never crossed the recesses of my imagination. my soul is but a captive witness to the eternal return of the unwilling sacrifice to the altar of orphaned lust.

the most beautiful person i touched
ran away from me, and all i can do
was pick up the grains by where their
feet were, hoping these kept bits of
them, enough of their matter to be
changed somehow

awake for 21 hours and still standing...

2005-07-19T06:23:00.000+08:00

yeah, its almost 6 am here... oh too bad, our lecturer just came in the training room...

damn, i'm suppose to rant about work... food's drying up my pockets. i'm thinking of bringing in packed rice to the office. They've got nice siomai dumplings here...

so jenny keeps on talking like i'm all ears with her... and she's about a foot and a half from me. Why she's right in front of me...

and she's discussing the fifty states of the US... like we'll all memorize them all in two hours

i'd better listen...

stifled letters: letter to a colleague

2005-07-13T13:21:00.000+08:00

gabi ng pag-iisa, hulyo ng taong 2003

Fellow writer,

Naranasan mo na bang malungkot? Ano ba naman klaseng tanong ito... malungkot kasi ako. nung isang buwan kasi, napanood ko yung tanging ina --- tungkol un sa napaka-hilarious na buhay ng isang ina na may 12 na anak --- dami no? Siyemprte, anduon ung mga joys at hardships ng pagiging single parent... parang mommy ko...

may mommy ka right? kaso nasa states lang. buti ka pa... masarap ang may mommy no? Alam mo, ngaun ko lang na-experience ung... masarap palang banggit-banggitin nung salitang mommy. Parang ang sarap-sarap sabihin ung salitang mommy... mommy...

mommy...

Ewan ko ba, pero i could still perfectly remember how it tasted like honey on my lips...

Naalala ko, minsan malungkot ka rin pala. Naalala ko noon, sabi mo na nasa iyo na lahat... pera, awards, karangalan, glamor. Pero sa isang banda, may sulok ng emptiness sa puso mo na nagrereverberate ang hollowness sa ilang mga pagkakataon na binabalot ka ng kalungkutan. Hindi pala sapat ang fame, academic awards at kung-anu-ano pang mga achievements. Pare-pareho pala taung may kanya-kanyang mga bitter moments. di pala ako dapat nagseself-pity

Pero sa totoo lang, feeling ko mas mahirap ang kalagayan ko. Alam mo ba na dumating ako sa poit na wala akong sariling bahay. Palipat-lipat ako ng haws. Nung january nasa Mangubat ako, kina tita elvie. Nung Feb naman nakina ate lorna ako. Tapos nung march andito na ako kina joan---childhood friend. Mahirap din ang food ko dito. Di pa kasi dumarating yung allowance ko sa DOST. Madalas, nagpupunta ako sa mga haws ng mga kaibigan ko, nagdadala ako ng ulam ko ---un bang tigpipisong hotdog--- bale 7 pesos un, tapos duon nalang ako sa kanila makiki-rice.
Oo maniwala ka, 7 pesos lang gastos ko sa dinner during those nights. Minsan nga, naiisip ko, para ata akong PG nito, patay-gutom. parang kawawa...

Naalala ko tuloy yung nangyari sa gradeschool. grade 5 ako noon, nasa canteen kami ng St Joseph's building. Masarap maglunch dun, kasi malakas yung aircon, tsaka puti ang buong paligid, mukha ngang ospital eh, puting tiles, puting tables, chairs pati tablecloth. ang nakakainis nga lang, 50 pesos ang lunch dun, 45 kapag gulay. syempre, may kaunting angas pa ako noon, kaya, chicken barbeque pinili ko. tapos, ka-share ko sa table si Harpal (fucking harpal!) ung harpal na baklang bumbay na pinakasikat sa academy. edi nakitikim ako sa food niya, tapos ang ginawa niya, tinambak niya ung tira niyang chicken sa akin tapos pinagsigawan niya sa buong kanteen na,

"ay si ___ kadiri, PG, kumakain ng tira-tira"

siguro, tama nga siya...

pero minsan swerte rin naman ako, gaya last monday, nasa malacañang palace kami, CP Romulo awards. Syempre buffet dinner yun, kain talaga ako ng todo (sabi ko na PG ako eh...) edi nakatipid ako ng 7 pesos (exag, pede namang 20 pesos natipid mo, 10 pisong order ng gulay tapos 2 orders ng rice) (eh minsan nakareserve ung pera na pang-internet) (eh bat may panahon ka pang mag-blog?) (anu ka ba, dati yun, eh ngaun, may work na ako...)

tapos nung tuesday, nakasalubong ko si kua Bert (Bert Tuga, VP external affairs, SG) e di nagpasama sakin sa Sm, wala daw kasamang magdinner. So yun, nakasave na anamn ako ng perang pang-internet. Libre dinner

tapos nung wednesday, napadaan ako sa school ko nung high school. sabi raw, pinaghahahanap daw ako ng isang professor sa college department. Ano? ano naman kasalanan ko sa kanya? Eh nalaman ko, si Mrs Lava, yung prof ng sa arts and humanities. Napalundag ako sa tuwa. Naalala ko kasi may honorarium akong tatanggapin sa kanya. Ako kasi yung ghostwriter nung isang piyesang panlaban daw sa oration. Edi may 300 pesos naman ako. Pinagkasya ko talaga yun sa loob ng isang linggo, Sobrang tipid talaga ako noon, inii-skip ko na nga lang ung breakfast para ultimate tipid eh...

stare in space.

2005-05-26T17:07:00.000+08:00

Looking past my life, i do not know how i got over them, without shedding any tear.
1. i lost PhP10,000 last march 2005. good thing i have had my fone before i lost it (including my music sheets, term papers, test papers, scraps of poems.... godknowswhatmore'sinthatfilecase
2. they slapped in my face the screaming fact that i'm a repulsive ugly donkey
3. when i finally lost hope in pursuing the case we filed against our lessee.... let alone the 12 month rent they never paid.
4. i dunno where to get money for my sis's tuition fees. oh god pls help me!
5. i just lost my DOST grant today.

I need to work. we're selling our house for php50,000

Where are we going to live?

My life floats like a lost ship on an uncharted ocean region. at this point all i see are waves, seagulls and shark fins. i feel so alone. i feel like dying.

chronicles at 5F SM Manila

2005-05-25T14:09:00.000+08:00

May 25
12:05 noon

(ooops! censored! sorry na lang hehehe!)
(excerpts from 12:05 noon)
I am a homophobic. I cringe on the sight of a lesbo flirting her\his girl. My eyes seethe with anger on seeing gays who dress up like they've got tits and pussys to cover...

12:11 noon

I made a staggering discovery today. I didn't know until today that the word enveloped should be said as en - ve' - lopt. I used to say it as en' - ve - lopt.

some thought for the day.

12:16 noon

I am starting to doubt people wwhen they walk in pairs. Paranoic thoughts commence peltering on my skull: Daytime Best Buddies, Nightime Fuck Buddies. Boyfriends (a gay and a bi)/Girlfriends (hot chick clinging like wild chimpanzee around lesbo's neck).

When can i get over with this thoughts?

12:21 noon

My kind of killing time:
Pack up my hottest book on list (Connections: a multicultural reader for writers by Judith Stanford), my 500ml C2 green tea lemon flavor, my Pathways folder, 3 mongol n#2 pencils, Best Buy plastic eraser, my phone and headset all into my Pathways katsa shoulder bag. Put on a cool pair training shoes, comfy shirt and shorts (velcro by the way) and Volia! I'm ready.

Wait! where do i go?

Head for the nearest mall, find a place anywhere beyond the line of boutiques. When you get to your fave coffee shop, look for a nice cozy spot, pull a chair, slump on it, set your stuff (book, headset, papers, pencil...) and have a great time watching people walk past the window.

And don't forget to turn up the volume. You might not want the music that shop is playing.

hey check on this

2005-05-18T19:46:00.000+08:00

http://tusilog.blogspot.com/2005/03/da-vinci-code-uli.html

pamanahong papel tungkol sa postmodernismo

2005-03-04T15:52:00.000+08:00

Panimula

Mula pa noong dekada 80’ pinagtatalunan na ng mga kritiko at mananalaysay sa Europa at Esados Unidos ang terminong Postmodernismo. Iba’t ibang kaisipan ang isinusulong ng mga iskolar at kritiko ng literature hinggil sa pagkakakilanlan ng bagong teyorya. Sa katunayan, ang pinakapusod ng mga pagtatalo ay kung paano nagwakas ang impluwensya ng Modernismo; kung kailan at paano nagsimulang lumukob ang postmodernismo sa sining, kultural, pulitikal, historikal at sosyal na larangan, at kung anu-ano ang manifestasyon ng kilusang nabanggit .
Sa Pilipinas naman, nitong huling taon ng dekada 90’s hanggang sa kasalukuyan, umuugong ang postmodernismo, kasama ng iba pang mga moda, isyu’t tahakin sa sining ng pagsulat, sa mga akda ng mga manunulat-mag-aaral at mga profesor mula sa UST Creative Writing Center and Studies, UP Institute of Creative Writing at mga indibidwal na manunulat mula sa iba’t ibang pamantasan. Nariyan rin ang Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature Foundation, PLAC, LIRA at UMPIL na kaakibat ng mga manunulat sa pagsulong sa kapakanan ng pagsulat.
Ang Pamantasang Normal ng Pilipinas, bagama’t nakatuon ang pansin sa paghulma ng mga guro, ay kakikitaan din ng pagsisikap na magawang magkaroon ng mga avenyu ang mga miyembro ng kanyang komunidad para sa sining ng pagsulat. Nariyan ang mga iskolarling jornal ng bawat kolehiyo at ang Torch Publications, opisyal na lathalaing pang-mag-aaral. Ngunit nakakalungkot isipin na bagama’t may mga avenyu ng pagsusulat sa PNU, walang gaanong referensya ukol sa mga makabagong trends sa tula o literature bilang sining. Ang tuon ng mga lathalain at mga saliksik sa PNU, kung mayroon man, ay sa ikagagaling ng profesyong pangkaguruan, at sa ikayayaman ng mga estratehiya at metodong efektibo para sa pagkatuto at pagtuturo. Higit pa riyan, wala pang nailalathalang ribyu o papel mula sa awtoridad sa literatura ng pamantasan o mga pag-aaral hinggil sa impluwensya ng postmodernismo sa kaisipang Normalian.

Paglalahad ng Suliranin

Hindi rin kaila sa komunidad ng pamantasan ang iba’t ibang komento ng mga indibidwal, at mga progresibong organisasyon ukol sa pagiging anakronistika o formalitik nito. Masasabing dahil sa sinisikap na panatilihin ang pagkakakilanlan ng isang “Dakilang Guro”, ay iniiwasan nilang magumon ang mga mag-aaral sa radikalismo. Kaya nga sa dagling pagsusuri, bihirang makikita ang impluwensya ng Postmodernismo sa pangkalahatang sosyal at intelektwal na klima ng pamantasan. At kung titingin ang mga kritiko sa mga publikasyon ng pamamantasan, masasabing hindi pa ganap ang asimilasyon ng bagong teyorya, bagamat may ilang pagtatangka lalo na nitong mga huling isyu ng Aklas, literary portfolio ng The Torch Publications.
Sa saliksik na ito, susubukan ng mga manananaliksik na himay-himayin ang postmodernismo, ang mga pinaghalawan nito mula sa pilosopiya’t simulain nina, Foucault, Baudrillard, Lyotard at Harvey, at ang unti-unting paglaganap nito sa dimensyong siyentipikal, komersyal, sosyal at intelektwal ng daigdig. Iimbestigahan din ng saliksik na ito ang mga kaganapang nagpausbong nito mula sa bangkay ng Modernismo.
Susubukan ng saliksik na ito na bigayng linaw malaong pagdatal postmodernismo sa panulaang Filipino, kung paanong unti-unting nilamon ng ideyolohiyang yaon ang impluwensya ng Balagtasismo at Formalismo sa karamihan ng mga batang manunulat. Susubukan din ng saliksik na ito na ilahad ang presenysa at efekto ng ideyolohiyang Postmodernismo sa mga akda at kaisipan ng manunulat na Normalian.

Sakop at Hangganan

Sisikapin ng Saliksik na ito na huwag lumampas ang riserts sa pagsusuring teksto at konteksto ng mga akdang napili. Hindi rin gaanong bibigyang pansin ang gramatikal na aspeto ng tula, maliban na lamang kung may tuwirang implikasyon ito sa kabuuang kahulugan ng tula. Natural, hindi makukumpleto ang pag-aaral kung hindi susuriin ang nilalalman ng akda ayon sa lente ng Postmodernismo.
Sa isang banda, kung may paglilihis man na magaganap sa daloy ng saliksik, ito ay tutukoy lamang sa mga talang pangkasaysayan, pangkultural at pang-ispirituwal na simulating maaaring pundasyon ng mga tula o tuwirang manifestasyon ng kaisipan ng manunulat sa mga mambabasa.

Pamamaraan at Pagkakaayos

Sa kurso ng pag-aaral, madalas na gagamitin ang pangkasaysayang sarbey upang higit na mabigyang buto ang mga inaakalang saligan ng Postmodernismo, at ang malaong paglokob nito sa larangan ng sining at literature, partikular ang panulaan. Tutuklasin ng saliksik na ito ang mensahe ng tula ayon sa lente ng postmodernismo. Iimbestigahan din ng riserts ang kaugnayan ng teyoryang nabanggit sa nilalaman ng mga tula at ang interpretasyon ng mga mambabasa.Sa Unang bahagi, ang Postmodernismo

OpPlan: Surrender to Him

2005-02-27T12:11:00.000+08:00

For the past few weeks, and until recently, i've been interminably bothered with so much worries, crises and conflicts.

1. As to how i deal and interact with people
(feels like a fly buzzing them or an itch they keep on scratching on their skin)
2. The grades i am anticipating for my calc 1, chem 2 and Phys 2
3. The pending load of paperwork, all fo which should be done before March 1 ( and i have yet to think about what i should put in it)
4. My boarding house fee come March 16 (plus my PhP 400 debt from ate)
5. My sis' grad ball (what shall she wear, my grad gift for her... and everything
6. about my other little sis' formation years (i am not contributing much to her social, emotional and intellectual development)
7. about some of the internal problems i am hurdling with ( a thorn in my flesh; a pain on my back; a curse on my soul)
8. and just last night, kuya Rod's splitting his wife, who's a far-off cousin. I am specially concerned as to how she would handle it. And goddsakes! where are we going to get money for our food and needs
9. Our bad borders aren't paying their rent, and even their meralco bills --- at over PhP2,000++
10. and some of our neighbors connected with our corriente's another threat. If we cut their connection to our corriente, they'd run amuck daw and might stab us to death....(gusto ko pang mag-asawa.... gusto ko pang makarating ng tolosa or vienna!)

and so much more...

But today, I casted it all unto Him

And that's what pacifies my soul. He silenced the turbulent waters of my ocean.

Matagal-tagal na rin akong di humihikbi sa kanya. Salamat sa pag-aalala. Akala ko, di ka mag-ke-care sa akin dahil sobrang repulsive na ako. Salamat...

Raison d'etre: Parsque j'appelle au mon Dieu, je vis

Interment of Bonifacio P. Sibayan

2005-02-03T20:57:00.000+08:00

We sang sa libing ni BP Sibayan. Na-touch ata sila kaya nag-abot ng pera kay Miss. Syempre, di niya tinanggap, coz its service sa skul...

HAHAHA!!!! Oficially, PNU Chorale na ako!!!!

Na-feel ko talagang chorister na ako noong nasuot ko na yung t-shirt ng chorale.

Finally, PNU choralers na ako!

Kaso ang ikinalulungkot ko, baka di ako makasama sa Samu't Sari sa CCP this mid-Feb.
Probably for two things:
1. Too tight schedule
2. Voice quality---- hindi pa pang CCP level
3. Di ko pa memorayz yung ibang piyesa

huhuhuhu....

Okey lang, siguro, mag-aaral na lang ako ng mabuti...

Mas importante yata ang chem, calculus at Phy6 ko ano....

Saka na lang ako sasali sa mga CCP events... kapag maputi na ang uwak... huhuhuhu!!!

jan 2005

2005-01-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

Masaya na din ako.

Maraming pagkain sa table. Andyan sina ate merlyn kuya rod at ang mga kapatid ko....

May bisita pa kami na pamilya; yung mag-asawa at yung dalawa nilang anak na bata.

Nandyan sina Regine at Rovie Ann

*****

The situation was so picture-perfect it feigned an illusive atmosphere of safety and contentment. Unlike when mom was still alive, an unexplainable inkling of gloom and sadness would lurk in the depths of my heart; as if a portent of a great tribulation approaching.

But it was better than none....

another talk with a warrior princess from the CSWCD

2004-12-26T13:18:00.000+08:00

jo: huwaaaat?!?i missed this one?argh. :)
kyrus_jien: which one....?
kyrus_jien: an invitation for a forum?
johannajambalos: nope.the acoustic performances thingee.
kyrus_jien: ah...
kyrus_jien: i shouldve informed you of the one going one at the podium....
kyrus_jien: its every friday i think..
kyrus_jien: chill out... and same stuff...
jo: still going on? i mean, the podium thing?
kyrus_jien: i guess.. they keep on announcing that on magic 89p9
kyrus_jien: between 8 to 11?
jo: as in every friday, 8-11?i should have tuned in to magic..i prefer wave and jam.
kyrus_jien: im a jam88p3 fanatic...
kyrus_jien: i listen to dj louise, ric, harry, lana, leon...
jo: i don't really remember the names of the djs hehe :)

kyrus_jien: and mind you, I'm a keane fanatic also...
kyrus_jien: everybody's changing, this is the last time, somewhere only we know...also D'sound
jo: btw, you know the group reden and i are in?we're organizing a book collection drive to replenish the books in general nakar,quezon - the one struck by typhoon and landslides.it was my field site last sem..we're dragging pathways in so i guess i'll see you :)
kyrus_jien: hahaha...small world....
kyrus_jien: when's your next outreach...?
jo: outreach? what do you mean by the term? uh, we don't really use that term.not that politically correct :)
jo: ooops.hope that wasn't offensive. :)
kyrus_jien: well go on..just keep on correcting me....
kyrus_jien: i need that...mind u....i'm the most politically correct thingie conscious here in our school
kyrus_jien: most dont give a damn about it...
johannajambalos: no need to compare yourself with others, you know :) knowing that you ARE is what counts. :)
kyrus_jien: some lambasting huh....now that one reallly hurts....
kyrus_jien: but that's whta i need...
kyrus_jien: i need a little "renda"
kyrus_jien: a little halt and "hoo!"

jo: ey, pathways is organizing core groups in schools, right? i kinda volunteered.heard from romina that you met her in the last assembly. :)
kyrus_jien: yepp....
kyrus_jien: wow, she did tell you... amazing...
kyrus_jien: most people just shrug their shoulders when someone asks them to send this greeting to someone....
jo: it's because i've seen roms almost everyday this month..and she's one of my best kikay buds :)
kyrus_jien: as in romeliza?
jo: nope.romina,as in sa pathways.the one who's with reden and j :)
kyrus_jien: ahhh.. kala ko some classmate way back grade school
kyrus_jien: uve got blogspot?
jo: gradeschool? that's too way back, don't you think?
kyrus_jien: funny,.... but i remember my classmates pa eh...
kyrus_jien: hahaha....
kyrus_jien: writer kasi ako eh... "writer-writeran"
jo: hey. i also remember my grade school clasmates...
johannajambalos: ain't everyone trying to be a writer ?hehe :)
kyrus_jien: we are writing at this point
jo: a rule of warfare: never let enemies understand you because you will become predictable and vulnerable..having a blog is like "hey, world, this is me!"
jo: there's a difference between just writing and being a "writer"
kyrus_jien: aaaahhh the jo i knew.... a warrior of letters... that's the very reason why i love listening to you.... now go on.....
kyrus_jien: i mean the difference is obvious... but that's how you hone a writer...
kyrus_jien: you master your outpouring of thoughts and ideas....
jo: don't bloat my ego hehe :)
kyrus_jien: nope... alam mo bang tigang na tigang na ako sa "talk with sense"
kyrus_jien: and if u think you're the best in UP >:) , i say HALT! you've got 500 clones out there....
kyrus_jien: in diliman alone..
kyrus_jien: balanced naman ako eh.... i feed ur ego, and sometimes.,..sinasawata ko din...
johannajambalos: i never said that i'm a "best" - comparison implies relativity. i do not intend to compare myself with anyone.i'm happy just believeing that i'm good enough for myself.i don't care about what others think.
kyrus_jien: that's my girl!
jo: hehe.you got me defensive there :)
kyrus_jien: :))
kyrus_jien: i like it when i see your fur stick out like any defensive cat

jo: ey, i gotta download some files and it needs a big chunk of my computer's memory..i'l log-in later in the aft.might catch you then.
johannajambalos: last message:i was defensive but not THAT defensive :)
kyrus_jien: hehehe... i''ll miss this conversation....
kyrus_jien: i wanna see your eyes flare with raging idealism.... such of what the country really needs...
kyrus_jien: cge... hope to catch up with u some time...
jo: in pathways, probably :)

the shittiest christmas i ever had for 19 years

2004-12-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

Shit!!! Ti's the season's worst ever! Buwisit na buhay to, nasa baclaran ako ngayon... pauwi pa lang ako sa C-5 at bukas, ako ang magbubukas ng tindahan.

Fucking Life! Nag-away kami ng ate ko, paskung-pasko. Maano lang na patawarin muna niya si Rovie Ann Kung di nakapag-paalam na aalis ngayong araw na ito? Haller? Pasko kaya ngayon? Sana man lang naisip ni ate Merlyn na kaya kami umalis ngayon ni Rovie Ann eh dahil pasko nga, mamamasko kami.

Kung sabagay mali din ako eh. Sana man lang, ipinaalam ko si Rovie Ann bago kami umalis. Kumbaga, courtesy man lang.

Kaya ngayon, lumayas ako ng bahay.

At sa mga sandaling ito... nag-iisip ako kung saan ako matutulog.

Unmerry Krismas to me!!!

conversations with ate benj

2004-12-22T17:32:00.000+08:00

c_bengzon: merry christmas to you, too <):) kyrus_jien: hows work?
kyrus_jien: like ur eyeglass frame... how much wouldve that cost?
c_bengzon: argh. so much to do. we've been on break since yesterday but i'll be working till end of this week
c_bengzon: got it here at shopping center. P800 for the frames only.
kyrus_jien: cool!
kyrus_jien: cheap price huh...
c_bengzon: talaga. pero mahal yung lenses. P2,500. haha
kyrus_jien: well.. same here. Still working on radial, tangential and linear acceleration stuff... we're on rotational mechanics kasi.. and still cant figure out how in d world did they get those answers...
kyrus_jien: even worse with my stoichiometry...
c_bengzon: what's your course again?
kyrus_jien: BS PT: BS Physics for Teachers...
kyrus_jien: a BS with 24 unit Education courses...minus Nuclear Physics
c_bengzon: sounds yucky. i don't like math and science
kyrus_jien: coz we dont have nuclear reactors in public highschools here in the Phils..
kyrus_jien: Funny. But neither do I... Its the PhP 3450 monthly stipend that keeps me goin on..
kyrus_jien: :))
kyrus_jien: one thing if u dont mind... in the light of FPJ's demise... i mean, you see how the 70 % of Filipinos glorified FPJ till death....
c_bengzon: it's sickening.
kyrus_jien: Now for chrissakes, I firmly believe NAMFREL has anything to do with the Hocus Pocus on Election Returns... but did it ever came into ur mind that gloria did some "tweeky here and tweeky there?"
c_bengzon: i think she did.
c_bengzon: would you rather have FPJ (r.i.p.) as president?
kyrus_jien: that sounds interesting.. i think of spawning a debate in our ygroup.... but of course i wont be defending FPJ... i was startstrucked by way litearlly millions of filipinos worship him...
kyrus_jien: goodness!! Id rather have Bro Eddie that Gloria....
c_bengzon: i voted for lacson. machiavellian ako eh
kyrus_jien: he's my 2rd choice...
kyrus_jien: 2nd***
arvin_hawang: roco's third..
kyrus_jien: believe me, Eddie Gil's my 4th choice
kyrus_jien: :))
c_bengzon: millions of clueless pinoys.
kyrus_jien: :D
c_bengzon: sad di ba? but we shouldn't lose hope as long as those capable of helping others do their share :)
kyrus_jien: ate benj..are u that busy... kasi if u are..then i wont be bugging you... i've got lots of stories kasi in mind.. fresh, starking, real life stories...
kyrus_jien: some of which are life's paradoxes
c_bengzon: really? i'm busy pero okay lang. baka matagalan lang ako magrespond pero go ahead with your kuwento.
kyrus_jien: eto pa.. our society: Society for the Advancement of Physics educ or SAPE, did a caroling with some twists at Lunets...
kyrus_jien: luneta.. where beggars abound...
kyrus_jien: we composed a group of 45 - 50 students, each with a plastic of goodies (clothes, rice canned goods and other daily need stuff),
kyrus_jien: we would circle a pulubi or a homeless familyand sing christmas songs to them.. so we did it to atleast 5 poor peeps.. but deliberately.. we got swarmed by flocks of beggars.. of most rugby users....
kyrus_jien: they were literally snatching the goods from us...
kyrus_jien: and guess what.. our group disbanded to quintets..which made things worse.. for every quintet are seven pulubis...
kyrus_jien: the girls and freshmen where crying...
c_bengzon: really? only in the philippines. it's sad that they don't know any better pero ganoon talaga. it's also discouraging when you try to help in the most well-meaning way pero they reject it.
kyrus_jien: our society prexy bursted to silent tears... blaming himself for not antici[ating such a disaster..
kyrus_jien: imagine, para kaming in-iisnatch-an...so we were forced to stop caroling..we just spilled away all the goods...
c_bengzon: fpj's brother's cellphone was snatched during the wake.
kyrus_jien: diba masaya sana..we'd be singing them crismas carols, then we'll give them goodies... Now i know why most filipinos dont prosper..
c_bengzon: your intentions were there naman eh. that's what's important.
c_bengzon: pinoys don't think long term
kyrus_jien: hay...
c_bengzon: and we're suckers for drama
kyrus_jien: :(
kyrus_jien: values really matter, dont they?
c_bengzon: yes. and the human development index.
kyrus_jien: sige...extrapolate....
c_bengzon: we can learn a lot of lessons from the japanese. paranoid sila and suicidal but they have a strong sense of nationhood and respect for fellowmen (nature, also). and whatever they do, kahit gaano ka-menial, they do it well.
kyrus_jien: Unlike many Filipinos who dismiss all things both great and small...
c_bengzon: i'm a staunch believer that those who are educated should be the hopeful ones kasi they're the ones who can make a difference. hayaan mo nang magmukmok yung mahirap, pero tulungan mo sila
kyrus_jien: another irony of life....with all intentions to save JDV's family from saboteurs via state of the art security systems (bullet proof glasses and imported grills)... everything was put to flames.. with KC's death...
c_bengzon: oo nga. how sad to die at that age
kyrus_jien: Buti na lang u dont have bullet proof glasses.. and same here...
kyrus_jien: only multi-colored glasses which amounts to PhP 2500!!!
kyrus_jien: Hahaha! so there, napagod na po ako nagkwento... ive got more but I'll save it for the next year to come...
kyrus_jien: a pleasant new year po ate benj!:D
kyrus_jien: ahhh.... nalulula ako sa unbearable lightness of being i kundera. every chapter sends storms of thoughts, musings and revelations in my mind..
c_bengzon: you too, inquio. did i spell it right?
kyrus_jien: yes...
c_bengzon: happy holidays :) stay young <):)
kyrus_jien: but delete it..ang ginagamit ko yung kyrus_jien, that's my pen name...
kyrus_jien: :D
c_bengzon: point taken!

Magpapakadalubhasa ako!

2004-12-17T20:19:00.000+08:00

Mixed feelings ako nung sinabi sa akin ni Miss na hindi ako puwedeng kumanta, kasi sobra daw complicated yung repertoire. Una, na-tauhan ako. Eh important event yun eh. The choir will be singing to a National Jamborree, with boy scouts from all over the Philippines and abroad. All PNU performing groups would be there---meaning, the university's name is at stake. Eh kung tumunog yun nang di-maayos, eh di na-boldjak ako? And most likely, they will be singing songs I have never practiced before.

So nung naglalakad na kami pababa ng choir room, umusal-usal ako sa sarili ko:

I promise myself, aaralin ko lahat ng mga piyesang iyan. I'll see

to it that I'll be meeting my secret mentor, whom I am not sure if

he would agree to give me training "at no cost".

Hindi ko alam yung wind beneath my wings.... marami akong di alam na Krismas karol... yung Der 100 psalm, yung Aba ko Santa Maria, yung Ama Namen, yung Battle of jericho, at ang dami dami pa...

Tapos, di pa ako nakapag-test kanina. Tuwang-tuwa pa naman ako. Akala ko, na-kansel ang test dahil naka-sibilyan ang mga klasmeyts ko at di pinapasok ng skul. Eh malaman-laman ko, sa GW pala sila nagtest. Kainis talaga.

Actually, ok lang kung di ako nakapag-test. Eh wala din naman akong isasagot dun eh. Sabagay, me dahilan naman ako kung bakit din ako di- nakapagtest.

Buwisit pa, ako ang ginawang emcee ng Crismas party namin sa bording haws. Gusto ko na ngang matulog eh. May pa-national-national anthem pa at invocation. Ngiii! ano ito, School Event?

Naiinis na talaga ako! ang tagal pa mag-register ng mga tinatayp ko sa monitor, paano, mahina ata ang memory. This shop's really a loser!!!

Why nakakainis mamigay ng relief goods sa mg pulubi ng Luneta

2004-12-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

Until now,I haven't gotten over what happened to us last night. Now, here's the spill:

Wednesday, December 15 04
4 pm

Sa wakas! nakarating na rin akong PNU! Galing kasi ako sa Arellano University upang maihatid yung mensahe ko kay ma'am Sartorio. Tinanggihan ko yung job na ino-offer niya sa akin. I will be working on a Tutorial center somewhere in the outskirts of Dasma Village, MkC. Mejo kabado din ako kasi syempre, I'll be facing students from Xavier, Poveda, ICA, Assumption, Makati Hope, IS, CSA at iba pa. baka mamaya, mas magaling pa sila sa akin mag-Ingles, eh di naman ganoon kaayos ang English ko. Also, I'll be missing my 4 - 5 units Afternoon classes (Calculus 1 and Mechanics 2), If I'd be insisting on that job. And of course, ang PNU chorale, ma-mimiss ko siya. bihira ko na nga lang siyang maa-attend-an eh. Actually, tumatakas-takas ako sa mga classes ko para lang mahabol yung praktis eh.

Sa totoo lang, I've invested so much with the chorale. Akalain mo ba naman nung isang araw na we were scheduled to practice with the PPO, eh halos i-cut ko na yung classes ko para lang makahabol sa Folk Arts Theatre. Nagsinungaling pa ako sa Prof ko na may make-up classes ako ng 5:30. Kasi naman yang prof na yan eh, nasobrahan ata sa talino, nagpapaka-geek, pati kami, gusto niyang idamay sa katalinuhan niya. Well for one thing, he's a good influence. Pero Mon Dieu, Tao lang po ako!

So there, pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko ng gate, pumara talaga ako ng taksi. At ang mapagsamantalang manong, mukhang minani-obra ang kanyang metro, umabot ako ng otsenta pesos. Sus! SM manila hanggang CCP, 80 pesos! Aba, dito sa San Mar, ang 80 pesos, nagtatagal yang nang hanggang 5 meals (basta ang order mo eh half vegetable viand at 2 cups of rice). Meaning, malaking halaga yun sa isang tulad ko na mahirap. Eh dalawang araw ang sked namin sa Folk Arts, so two times ako nagtaksi. Magkano yun, 160 pesos. Sus! Eh pang dalawang linggong lunch - dinner na yan eh.

Ganyan ko kamahal ang PNU chorale (minus the epalogs, feelers at mga sobrang hangin). Quoting kuya ******, : "Eh di nga sila tumunog-tunog ng maayos eh! Daig pa sila ng ********* Choir eh!"Pero ganun pa man, mahal ko paring sila.

Actually balik na tayo sa usapan. So hapon noon, mga 4 pm, bumalik na ako sa PNU. umakyat ako sa DOST office at nag-rent ng PC. Sinalubong ako ng paalala ni ate Grace, ang butihing Project Staff ng PNU DOST office na Christmas party Daw ngayong ng Scholars Assoc. at Soc 4 D Advancement of Physics Educ. Banat pa ng isang junior na nasa office, eh wanted ako sa Party. May contest kasi ng Perfect atttendance. Kaso wala ako sa section namin (actually, di pa lang ako dumarating.) So nagsigawan daw yung mga Freshmen sabi ni ate. "We Want Hawang, We want Hawang!" O di ba na-touch ako. Akala ko, isinusuka na ako ng mga Physics students. May nagmamahal pa pala sa akin (whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!)

Same day, mga 7 pm na ata

So finally, natapos na rin. Di ako na-satisfied sa food namin. At bakit menudo at rice and salad ang food (na parang halos 60 calories lang ata and maibibigay sa akin). Isa-isa na kaming lumabas ng HRD Audie para magprepare na sumugod sa Luneta. Mangangaroling kami pero may kakaibang twist. Paliligiran namin yung isang poor man and then kakantahan namin siya ng mga christmas carols and then bibigyan namin sila ng C-mas goodies. Di ba masaya?

kaso ang nangyari, pinalibutan kami ng mga pulubi't masasamang loob, mga rugby users na pulubi, at pinaghahahablot yung mga plastic goods sa amin...

It was devastating. some of our girls cried. The freshmen were in a state of shock. Good me! I stood like a hero to my freshie classmates (classmates ko kasi sila in some subjects). Aba, niligiran ko sila na parang akay ko sa aking mga malalabay na kamay. Sinangga ko sila against dun sa mga rugby boys na huma-harass sa kanila...

What a sad episode in our society's annal of memories. Where we intended to help, we were just put to shame and despair.

a terrifying experience (of a dimwit chorus novitiate) with Maestro Eugene Castillo

2004-12-08T19:09:00.000+08:00

I went crazy when i learned last tuesday that i will be joining the choir on a concert with the PPO. At ilang araw pa lang ako nakaka-attend ng seryoso sa mga praktises. Di ko pa nga kabisado yung piyesa eh kakanta na kaagad. Tuesday in-announce na Friday na kanta. 3 days lang pagitan. It will truly drive every novice to nuts. I heard my choirmates whisper something like "... full orchestra under the baton of Maestro Castillo..". I said "...what? yung pumalit kay Maestro Barbieri?" I just got a nonchalant nod for an answer. Pero i overheard na mataray daw siya, and Maestro Velasco's words seem to foretell a disaster." Kung bigla niyang sabihin, Wala na bang ibang choir diyan, dedma lang." I was too bobo not to immediately guess na he actuall meant displeased siya sa performance ng group. Hinahanap daw niya yung tunog ng Choir before the competition at Tours, France.

Ano naman kasi ang maikokontribyut ko? Isa lang naman akong hampas-lupang Physics Major na sobrang engrossed sa volunteerism, sa sangkaterbang advocacy groups, at sa classical music. Tapos bihira pa akong magpraktis. Eh kasi ba naman eh, pa'no ba namang di ako makapag-praktis eh halos 29 units na ako this term? Kaya boses ginugupit na yero tuloy ako, pampasira sa lang tuloy sa choir.

But in truth, ang ganda talaga ng piyesa. Una, ang baho pakinggan ng Magnificat by JS Bach. Pero nung narinig ko na siya sa CD, parang biglang nabuhay yung dugo ko at nag-shot into terrifying heights yung excitement ko. Ganun kaya yung mga fave kong pakinggan sa 98.7 DZFE the Master's Touch na radio station?

ooooooomnes omnes generationes!

Cute ano?

Pati rin yung Navidad Nuestra by Ariel Ramirez. nag Cute din, lalo na yung Los Reyes Magos, yun ang pinakafavorite ko... Sa magnificat, yung Omnes Generationes, Gloria Patri at Magnificat fave ko. Na-memesmirize ako habang pinapakinggan ko at kinakanta ng mabilis na mabilis na tempo yung mga piyesa. Feeling ko, ako yung kondaktor na sumasayaw sa saliw ng musika. Feeling ko, me hawak akong baton at ikankampay, kampay ko yung baton ko.

Pero sa kabila noon, grabeng pagkapahiya sa sarili at sa pride ng group namin yung naexperience ko kanina. Grabe, nakakhiya talaga kanina. Feeling ko, kulang na lang sabihin ni maestro Castillo, ang bo-bobo ninyo namna. Siguro, naisip niya yung mga Madrigals at ang UP singing ambassadors habang paulit ulit siyang nag-correct --- mula sa Dynamics, Tempo, accentuation, pronunciation, mood at techie-techie stuff na para na alng sa mga Music majors.

Grabe, parang feeling ko, sobrang pangit ng tunog namin kanina. Kawawa naman si Miss, baka nadepressed siya sa nangyari sa amin kanina. Mejo nabara pa ata siya nung nakipag-contest pa siya to as regarding the soli part, which she expected is to be sung by oothers, but turned out as wrong interpretation. Soli would be sung by the choir. Well, recently ko lang nalaman na plural ng Solo ay Soli

Hehehe! nakakahiya talaga batch namin. Sinira tuloy namin reputasyon ng Chorale. Sana naman di mapahiya ang Chorale. Sana... Sana....

God, two days na lang....

May mga exams pa ako bukas... magtetest pa ba ako?

Ewan...

ang feeling kapag ang org meetings niyo ay poorly-attended

2004-12-04T21:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Miss Agnes,

Hi!

I just wanna ask something. How much po ba yung real cost ng membership for students like me? It's been 8 months since i physically joined the society.

I wonder if i could afford it. Joke lang po

Just between you and me po. Puwede po bang sa inyo na lang ako magbayad? Sa December meeting po siguro ako magbabayad.

And another "for your eyes only' material

Ma'am, i hope i am mistaken with this claim ( a personal claim, i mean). I think there is something wrong with our monthly meeting attendance. It seems to me that our members are taking the society for granted. Well, not i, because each time i attend the monthly lectures, i learn a lot of things. Considering the idea that i'm taking up a BS Physics for Teachers degree, attending the lectures proves to be an advantage; it gives me hints of future lessons we'll be taking up.

Moreover, i am personally challanged of how mathematically proficient our lecturers are. It only tells us that astronomy isn't just anny hobby or interest club you could take for granted, but a real, serious science. That's where i draw my strength whenever i feel downcast out of the low test scores i get in Mechanics 2 and Calculus 1. It tells myself, "hey, if they made it to the top, why can't you?"

With such a priveledge, I wonder why we get less support from our members . Do you think ma'am that we aren't hitting the right members --- such who are passionate, dedicated and somehow engrossed with scientific pursuits.

Ma'am, talaga pong nagwoworry ako sa nakikita ko. I think our lecturers dont deserve an attendance of...

---- to be continued -----

2004-12-02T11:00:00.000+08:00

"Necessity knows no magic formulae---they are all left to chance.

If a love is to be unforgettable, fortuities must immediately

start fluttering down to it like birds to Francis of Assisi's shoulders."

--- The Unbearable Lightness of Being

When i'm far from the PC, i think of many things to write. I muse of putting this or that in my blog, and amaze everyone of what great prowess i have in writing. But when i face the PC, all beautiful and thought-provoking ideas flutter away from my mind as a flock of birds disturbed from their reveries and food hunting.

*****

2004-11-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

MIND IMPULSE
It is but a mere fruit of the mind

A spring full of thoughts and words

Yet empty, a world without essence

Fashioned with form, but lacks sense

Words, they lure you to new worlds

Beyond ephemeral, beyond existence

In regions unknown, unexplored

But alas! These are but plains of void

A desert without sand and scorching suns

Wasteland, the outright scorn of Hecate.

Even fled by Polaris, Ancient guardian

to the vast expanse of the heavens

Cursed be the blazing desire

that steered this endeavor forlorn!A

pollyon, that is, devastation manifest,

among poets and men of renown and intellect

The cradle of discord and wanton rebellion,

of bloody revolts and countless cadaver.

The Origin of strife and sorrows unwanted

a billowing shriek from the depths of Hades

Hail! The Person of Chaos imminent.

Your cohorts rejoice with untold reverie

intoxicated with ignorance so great

from the lot spared for them by Fate

To live the name by which they are known

Evil, the sower of endless greed,

the potter of unwary minds

---they, who are led into eternal disdain

--- Kyrus Jien

Bobo sa math

2004-09-15T13:11:00.000+08:00

ay grabe! nasa trigo identities na kami..and wala pa akong naintindihan....

grabe...my physics prof is terrorizing me...

sana man lang ine-encourage niya ako. Di naman ako bobo eh...

sana inu-uplift niya ako...he's turning me down, and I don't get well in physics. I tend to work well in physics out of fear. And when i get low scores...it's because di ko siya masyadong naintindihan.

As if lahat naman super-talino. Sana ina-address niya yung kung anumang disabilities ko, because I know I can be rehabilitated. Only if I get into the right person.

sobrang nerd na ata ako...

2004-08-29T12:39:00.000+08:00

Sobrang desperate ako mag-aral, nagpunta talaga ako sa starbucks vcruz, and I brought with me my books, Trigonometry International student Edition by Lial, and Integrated Algebra and Trigonometry by Leithold.

I still learned few things somehow, even though I was interminably swathed by an unexplainable drowsiness by and by. After 16 years in grade school and high school, it was only this afternoon when I learned by heart that an Isosceles Triangle )45-45-90( formed by p(x, y) at the cartesian plane would have the two equal sides the value of one (unit circle) and the r = square root of 2

a 30-60-90 triangle formed on the cartesian plane would have its r the value of 1, y with the value of 1/2, and x the value of square root of 3 over 2

Mon dieu! what has gone of me???

I just had a cinnamon roll while sitting there lazily (I actually almost slept over my food)
I bought no coffee, masyadong mahal, and I only had PhP 300 that moment, I am suppose to stretch it for a week

*****************************************************************************

My greatest fear?

Lie on the hospital bed alone, alone with my oxygen tank and dextrose.
When that happens, I know I shall succumb in bitter tears

hahaha..i'm killing my earlier blog 4 good...

2004-08-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

May 31st, 2004
I dunno what to do...
wow grabe!!! almost three days na kaming di nakakauwi ng house. Imagine---sarili naming bahay di kami man lamang makapasok! There was this sampid in our house who happened to be the bro of my cousin's husband. And he's freakin' mad!!! he's really mad at ate---and unfortunately, he's also mad at me----madly in love! Shit! This is totally shittttt!!!There. know, he's been threatening my family--i really dunno what to do----we tried approaching the local authorities--well i mean the barangay office. And heaven's sakewe were just dismissed---concluding that it's just an ordinary domestic trouble. MY GOD we are in reel distress!God please help me...i don't know what to do and what to decide at this point....
Posted at 10:59 am by Kyrusjien
utter silence...
May 30th, 2004
an adolescent's dilemma: Raging Sexual Hormones
It irks me each time we cross paths: that draconic libido and I. And we don't just end up staring at each other; we wrestle---Israel - turned Jacob struggling against the Angel of God. But my libido's so cruel, He is never satisfied with the twisting of my muscles and joints. My innate psyche screams in angst, resisting with humongous efforts the monstrous hands of Lust, a fiery rage sweeping into my umbilical regions. I likewise resist, but in obvious pretension, only to end up succumbing to the raging flames radiating from his skin.And yes, the encounter would turn into a vicious cycle of diabolic repetition, perpetually strangling my soul in sweet, slow death.I might say I would cherish the next bout, but in the depths of my being, the innate Arvin wails in hopelessness and severe pain---his muscles profusely bleeding, utter disdain flows out of his blood vessels, telleing the carnal captain to cease yielding to the call of the mundane pleasures...but to no avail.
Posted at 10:25 am by Kyrusjien
3 Achtung!
May 25th, 2004
dinner at jollibee
i had dinner with mei den...wala lang...as usual, my favorite, chicken pops meal and iced tea....i used to reely love this combination.and we shared many things.....saka ko na lang ikekwento..di pa siya nagccocondense sa mga thgoughts ko..
Posted at 03:08 pm by Kyrusjien
utter silence...
May 24th, 2004
unfinished poem #1
Outside, the glimmer of the day ebbs as coals cool to embers. The light that once flooded my wooden, thatched window slowly retracted to an eventual darkness, thereby escaping the horizon of my sight.Yet it was neither dark nor sunny…Manila Skyline seemed to hold its breath in suspended silence, as if waiting for orders(they usually originate from the outmost heights of the primum mobile).Same patches of semi-liquid vapors loomed the atmospheric loci deux heures pastBut surprisingly, the conglomerated mass of south-east monsoon and foreign winds left no trail of perturbation as it coursed its pathways in the aerial circuits of the metropolis.They were in frequent motion, constantly colliding with the city’s masts of business and commerce, prophesying the imminent descent of the pyro-acerbic May-time showers.
Posted at 05:56 am by Kyrusjien
utter silence...
May 23rd, 2004
my open letter sa Philippine Astronomical Society
hay, i made up a letter sa PAS....wala lang..trip-trip lang...sana sa mga makakabasa...baka medyo painful yung attack..sana wag kayo magagalit saakin..eto na...Dear PAS membersAll this week, I’ve been starry-eyed while musing on thoughts like1. It’s time to press on aggressively towards carving PAS a niche…2. I feel that PAS is too passive these yearsIt saddens me that PAS seems to be taken for granted by the government (maybe yes, maybe no…) and other eminent astronomy-related institutions (if there be any) supposedly upholding its mission and ideals. Why do I say so? Because if PAS receives full support by such institutions, People like me shouldn’t have exerted strenuous efforts just to reach PAS. Moreover, I haven’t really heard of PAS’s existence since my 3-year stint in my public-private high school hopping (Kept on transferring frm school to school). And regarding memberships, do we have substantial membership from student, teacher, enthusiasts, hobbyists, hippies or yuppies and “others” sector? I am talking on the premise such that “PAS conducts seminars and conferences nationwide, ergo, many students know about them”. (or I am just overly assuming)I guess these are some few reasons one can point out why PAS makes it diffuicult to make its presence known among possible interested students and enthusiasts (let alone our recent exposure at ABS-CBN and GMA---oh well, at least we are starting to “break grounds…)On the other hand, I am touched by the some of our members’ effort (to the extent of shouldering project costs/food/logistics etc. I really hope and pray that months from now, we would be then hearing news about big-shot companies (name it; PLDT, San Miguel Foods Corp., Globe Telecoms, Brent Int’l School, IBM Phil., IAS, ESA---whew! Talk about Int’l consortium!---SM malls and companies and other technocrat bigwigs pouring out funds and sponsoring on of our major events.The task of elevating PAS to the pedestal it deserves rests on the hands of the society’s policy-makers. I firmly believe that PAS isn’t just an association of hobbyists and enthusiasts who do nothing but peek at their telescopes----I mean, PAS isn’t just seeing stars, we are tasked in chartering the Philippine skies and the astronomical phenomena that goes with it in the knowledge banks of the scientific world (Philippine Science as well). Moreover, PAS is the premier private sector arm of the gov’t (tama ba?) mandated by the constitution to deal with Philippine astronomical matters.I salute you, ladies and gentlemen for all the pains, toils and suffering as we perpetuate philippine astronomy via PAS. I look forward for more events and more persistence on the part of our dear members. Always remember that we can accomplish great and marvelous things if we would work as one body.Let us dream big and go the distance (maybe a million light-years---that far!)Mabuhay ang Samahang Astronomikal ng Filipinas!May God bless the Philippines,.Arvin A. HawangPNU Manila
Posted at 02:53 pm by Kyrusjien
utter silence...
May 17th, 2004
PART2 on namfrel and volunteerism (mas malaman itooo!)
so yun..itutuloy ko...but then eventually, bumalik siya..i really dunno how he decided to come back. Sobrang back-out na siya eh..he packed up his laptop and saved all namfel data sa main PC namin...but maybe the greater good conquered him(sana...)and by Golly! to hell with those who spread rumors that nemfel partakes in mass cheating! come on....wala kaming tulog noon sa LSGH, as in we pour out all our efforts just to do a quick count---and mind you, we've got a credible set of volunteers: students with raging passion, burning with a bright hope for our country---people from DLSU, Ateneo, UP, UST, Philippine Science HS, some ICA cuties..one Phil. Normal Univ----that's me!---some from city college of manila..some bedans...even kids ranging from 10, 11 and 12...some oldies...teachers, professors, bank tellers, an ambassador( ma'am Narcisa Escaler--ma'am ching as we dotingly call her (who happened to be our desk boss)...office workers..and people from all walks of life. They didn't sneaked out of their homes, schools and offices just to participate in some "cheating pandemonium"---they were there simply because they wanna help our country! so please..sa mga rumormongers dyan..stop it....I am a living proof nas walang dayaan sa namfrel..everyone went there for volunteer work...di kami bayad....we did it ourselves and 4 the country!But hey, it's fun to be a volunteer. Overfolwing supply of coffee (figaros and The coffee experience,), ice cream, snacks and meals. Masaya kasi we met friends and gorgeous girls. But then, we braved slumber and the bedroom call of the early morning hours just to finish tabulating data from the overseas namfrel stations.you know friends..this is true..talagang bida si gloria sa ibang bansa.....she leads by 40 % versus FPJ...totoo..they'd rather have Arroyo than FPJ..more next time......ym status ko... Tu va où, mon copain? Je tiens à tu parler....

unfinished poem

2004-08-25T16:15:00.000+08:00

an arrow for you and a pen for me (plus imagination)

lodged a cheap, Pilot BP-S fine pen on the tips of my fingers, tapped it listlessly on my desk, twirling it in little circles –– one bored examinee killing the remaining minutes of a three-hour test periodstill twirling it like crazy, as if weighed down by ennui[1]. As if ma'am Santos never saw my mental sauntering; from a metaphysical copulation avec mon copain[2] to an apparitional fistfight with next-door class bully...

–– that freak! That five feet and a half beast, donned with a kinky, curled hair, bulging eyes, humongous nose, zits-studded cheeks, an ever-puckered lips and a semi-hemispherical belly obviously protruding from his white polo uniforman arrow for yougrabbed me on the collar and cursed christ and all the saints, swearing to the highest heavens he'll have his curt middle finger cut if he can’t fill my face with bluish-red bruises.

And I screamed like god-have-mercy! –– pigs squealing from an abattoir[3], lined up for some butchering –– struggled to let go off his hand, only to get away just in time for a minute or two of a school-wide spectacle of shame

"You're a sissy-chick –– damned sissy geek" "You'll never get away with this, beast!" Oh yes I will, hunny, see, I'll be scot-free seconds from now".

Yeah, scott-free alright. But you won't get away with this I told you, didn't I? I'll put this in the annals of my memory and I'll publish this to my entire admirers hereafter. And I'll make public spectacle of you too! You'll see it beast, I'll crucify your disgusting deeds in the pages of my future weekly magazine

"...and who will have all men...come unto the knowledge of the truth."
–– 1st Tim. 2:4, paraphrased

a pen for me.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––

[1] state of tiredness due to excessive boredom
[2] French, literally “with my love”
[3] slaughterhouse

letter to the AHS ygoups

2004-08-25T15:51:00.000+08:00

actually, it was a sad story that i didn't finish my highschool at araullo, coz after my freshman year, i moved to another school here at pasay. And guess the reason why, dahil po sa kaartehan ko (like nagtampo ako sa classmate ko dahil inaway nila ako)to think that I belong to the class of the "blessed few" Special sciences classes" So kung tutuusin, dapat hindi ko macyadong nararamdaman yung hard times as experienced by the rest of araullians. Maarte lang talaga ako sa buhay. and i missed the glory days of my batch.

Mind you, their accoplishments were far more magnificent as compared with how i fared during divison and regional competitions. One of our batchmates, Ariane Cinco (the girl I kept on looking for the last time around in the e-groups) was national champion during a spelling bee held at Baguio, some few went to ---was that davao or dumaguete-- for the national press conference. Di na po ako magtataka, may legacy ang araullo pagtdating sa journalism. based from your accounts during the 50s 60s etc, eh we are lording over the presscons, if not reigning. Countless of honors have wreathed the portals of Araullo, truly, life in araullo isn't really bad

Sa tulad po naming Special Science Class....paano naman po yung the rest of the araullians?

These questions are inevitable, yet seems to either solutionless or not.Maybe the other batches can think of something like making the araullo library alive by donating books (or baka sobrang di na ako dumadalaw sa school kaya di ako aware na may nagpapadala na ng mga book donations sa school) kasi as i've said, kung extensive naman yng resources ng lib, e di sana hindi hihingi ng books sa akin yung former trainor ko sa history bee para may magamit daw sila sa pagrereview. But i am really thinking of buying books from the national historic institute NHI and donating it to the Social Studies Dept. siguro kahit one book per sem (around php 175 to 250 po kasi yung price ng books) kung medyo rich ako, eh baka by fives pa ang idonate ko....so there....