"Basically, what I've done is I've exchanged one set of complications for another ..." - Fr. Andrew Kiernan, Stigmata
Sometimes, i wonder if i decided to go back to school and face the INCs i left. I would never know if i would be able to complete them at all. But as how i see it, it appears that my suspicion is right... i may never be able to make it if i ever decide to continue the physics for teachers program. i don't even remember what limits are. much worse, i'm not sure if i could still remember how to solve the x and y axes of an object's motion running at a certain distance.
and to be honest, i'm not sure if that was the right way to state a problem regarding speed and motion. i don't seem to be a physics undergrad at all...
But what if i chose another road? Say, get away from all the troubles i'm entangled with, live all by myself and forget i ever had a family.
I feel like i'm contradicting myself. I cannot, under any circumstances, sever my attachments with my family. They're one of the few precious things left to me by this fucked-up life. I've lost my inheritance money, my scholarship allowance, my pride and even my very own self, and to think of leaving them to fend themeselves off sounds horrific. How can a 10 year old kid live life in a jungle of steel and concrete. Without someone to guide them, they might end up 10 times worse than me.
To be honest, at this rate (i mean the rate of troubles impacting my life every three to five weeks at least), i really cannot tell how long would i stand on my ground. I feel like i'm just forcing myself to stand up after every blow just so those people holding on me won't get hurt.
But i've got to stay. If i have to keep my hold just so i could stop the endless cycle of failed lives, i'll hold. I probably am too anxious to get past these troubles.
And when i'm done with all of these, i'll buy a 10 cu ft. ref. after 5 months, i'll buy a laptop or a desktop. and when finances seem stable, i'll subscribe to pldt vibe.
And when everything seems fine, i'll go back to school and take up AB literature or AB english teaching.
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1 comments:
how selfless... u know what they say about selfless giving- whatever it is that you gave up and sacrificed will be given back to you a hundred fold.
hold tight. :)
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